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April 10, 2006 | Family & Life
I’m sitting here, looking at a box. This box contains college graduation announcements. JGirl is graduating May 14, 2006. I’m pretty sure we just sent her away to college. The four years have passed so quickly. When JGirl left for college, it was a traumatic and upsetting time for the hubby and me. Her behavior, the final couple of months in high school, came very close to her being asked to leave home. We figured we had until the first day of fall classes to cancel her student loans, if her behavior didn’t improve. Fortunately, we didn’t have to. Now, after four years, she’s returning home on improved relations with her parents. Not necessarily with her fifteen year old brother, but hey that’s to be expected. He’s matured, developed his own sense of self, and is not use to have her home. Well, none of us are, but here she comes. Even in our new home, we don’t have enough closet space. I got a good look at her shoe collection. She’d rival the local DSW shoe store! But that might be because she shops there.
We’re quite proud of JGirl. She’s smart, attractive, more self-assured, and values the support we’ve given her. She’s been my rock when my parents died. The love she had for them, was demonstrated over and over. I remember watching her kneel at my mother’s casket, and pray. I knew then, my mother was pleased. She adored JGirl. So did my father. She is their first grandchild. My Mommy said she wanted to live to see her granddaughter grow up. Well, Mommy spent her final Christmas in our home when JGirl turned twenty-one.
But now, I have to address these announcements and send them to friends and family. People who have been through the fun and crazy times with this girl. People who have listened to me whine, cry, and laugh about the things she’s done. I’m excited about graduation. So is her dad, but he’d be even more excited if she came home with a job! That’s the next phase, living with this twenty two year old, while she looks for employment. Right before I finished grad school, my mother asked me if I could find a job in Washington, DC. “Don’t you want me to come home?” I said. “Yes, on the weekends. If you came home to live like your father wants you to, I’ll have to kill both of you. You’re use to staying out, and you know how your father is.”
Smart woman. I was able to find a job, and come home on the weekends to visit.
My relationship with my mother changed when I finished school. Just like my relationship with JGirl, it’s more open, mature, and close. Of course, Mommy still didn’t want to hear about my sex life! I’m looking forward to her coming home, and I’m really looking forward to her moving out! So, it’s back to the announcements, a few tears and a few laughs as I remember her as a child and how much my parents loved her. Uh, JGirl if you read this, don’t forget honey, your grandparents were crazy about your brother too!
Love Ya, Smooches!
Hey, Yasmine, your post really touched my heart. When my youngest was 21, I cried all day. And gosh, the mother-daughter thing is one of the relationships I explored in Second Generation. Very complex, always. I know I became friends with my mother long after I grew up, and it’s been the same with my daughters. Seems we never appreciate what’s going on when we’re teenagers because with teens, their only world is the one immediately around them, which doesn’t particularly include their mothers. It’s only after they begin to settle down that it’s possible for them to see mom isn’t such a dragon after all. I have nice notes from all my daughters written after they were grown. But only after.
Hugs to both you and J-Girl,
Beth
Yasmine: Another passage. J-Girl left a young girl and returns a young woman. Your job is done. It’s up to her now. And you can begin to enjoy a new relationship with her.
My mother and I became closer than ever when she was no longer trying to direct my behavior, and we could just be two women together. I was astounded to learn what an interesting and interested woman she was. Enjoy!!